How to LGBTQI+ Like a Boss!
“I cannot get better because I am not unwell. I am born this way, and I cannot cure myself of being who I am.”
I read this line in the novel “The Damned Yard” by Nobel Prize winner Ivo Andric when I was 16, and my whole life finally made sense. It was like a catalyst of acceptance and excitement at the same time.
Trigger Alert – the following content may trigger difficult emotions for some readers. It will get personal, and I will talk about basic human rights! You might want to get a cup of tea – I got passionate writing about this, and it got a bit long!
Growing up in a loving, but traditional and conservative, family, I was meant to be married to a nice well-educated Serbian man, have at least 2 kids prior to the age of 28 and preferably a PhD, although an MSc would have been tolerated. To my family’s dismay, it did not quite work out that way. My family could have tolerated the fact that I did not take a route of academia as my career, but being a lesbian, and a practicing one — that was not acceptable! It took years for them to accept me, and the journey is still not over. It does not help that I changed the label when I realised that I am more pansexual than a lesbian. You should have seen the hope in my mother’s eyes when I mentioned that I might be interested in all people!
Every coming out story is different, and every person experiences it in a different way. For some there are coming out parties and parents shouting from the rooftops how proud they are; for others there is mild panic that they will not be accepted followed by quiet acknowledgement. My coming out included a code word I would use on the phone to my friend if my parents decided to go all Britney Spears on me, and my passport was hidden in a tree trunk not far away from the house, just in case. It was not as bad as it was for some of my friends, and I am happy to report that my family has come a long way from that moment. I cannot say the same for the country of my origin. Serbia still does not have laws that support or protect the LGBTQI+ community and every Pride event is policed by at least as many officers as Pride attendees.
Coming to the UK at the age of 19 was a dream! There was so much freedom, so much space to be yourself. There were gay people everywhere and they were not hiding in plain sight. They were proudly marching in Soho during Pride and living a perfectly normal life the rest of the time. There were laws protecting you. You could get married! You could adopt a child! You could even get divorced! All the amazing straight people privileges!
The best thing about becoming part of community in London was meeting people who accept you by default. Meeting people who accept you just as you are and who allow your authentic self to come out by being non-judgemental and positive. I am aware that this is not everyone’s experience and that things have not always been like this in the UK but, compared to where I came from, it felt like heaven! Come to think of it…like many “baby gays” – I did spend a lot of time in “Heaven”. 😊
“How to become your true self — what to do?” I was asked this question the other day when I did a talk at my son’s school. It was from a young man who is 13 and ready to tell the world he is gay. I had to think hard! If he was a young woman, I would have an easy answer – you cut your hair very short! Every lesbian does that as a rite of passage. On a more serious note, and in response to this question, you try and be true to yourself every day. You try and wear what you want, express yourself in an honest way and share with your friends your authentic self. On those days when this is not possible, you acknowledge the adjustments you have made and add an extra rainbow spark the next day.
Our place of work has a lot to do with how we feel about ourselves. A lot of people around the world are not out at work because they fear what would happen to their jobs. Working for Umbrella Training is a dream come true. I have not only been able to surround myself with amazing team members, colleagues and business partners, I have been encouraged to be exactly who I am today – tailored suits, ties and all! Thank you @jbrtailoring!
It is not just being able to be myself that makes a difference; doing work that supports the community I belong to is something that feeds my soul and makes the job even more meaningful. Being strategic about equality, diversity and inclusion and having an opportunity to make a difference to apprentices on a daily basis is something that motivates me every day. Working with amazing business partners who do the same makes me proud to be part of the Umbrella community.
If you are an employer, and an ally of the LGBTQI+ community, there are so many things that you can do, including:
Having a clear goal to support the LGBTQI+ community in your stakeholder network.
Having a zero-tolerance policy towards discrimination and inappropriate banter.
Building support systems for the LGBTQI+ community, including educating and developing allies.
Getting the big bosses on board.
Supporting the local LGBTQI+ community in your area of work.
Offering LGBTQI+ - friendly benefits.
Fostering an environment that is gender neutral and supportive of people who are transgender and gender fluid in the light of massive discrimination they face.
The battle for acceptance and equality is still raging. Just look at the football stadiums in Germany and the laws that have recently been passed in Hungary. Turning a logo into rainbow colours is a beacon of hope, but it is meaningless if it is not followed by clear policies, tangible actions and role modelling all year long!
